In this text, the author shares her experience of being misled by her partner and feeling trapped in a relationship. She shares her feelings for her partner’s honesty about wanting a family and how she felt safe and cherished until she discovered he had cheated. She ended the relationship but was offered an ultimatum to commit to living together, getting a dog, and starting a family.
The author, a touring artist, struggles with starting a family and feels that it is impossible to do it alone. She finds it difficult to find someone she has much in common with who wants a family and feels that anything other than having a family with the person she loves and who loves her back feels like a compromise.
Relationship therapist Joanna Harrison suggests that when you feel stuck in a situation, it may be difficult to imagine solutions or a better life. She suggests seeking therapy to tease out the threads of your past life with someone who is “on your side” and explore the loops that keep repeating. Harrison also suggests that if your current relationship only seems kind and supportive compared to past ones, there are other kinder, more supportive relationships you may yet strive for.
Harrison adds that it would be easier in the long run than an unsatisfactory compromise and that it is important not to alone compromise. She encourages readers to explore alternatives, such as co-parenting or a less nuclear-family option, and to listen to Annalisa Barbieri’s podcasts on Should I Have a Baby? and Hope and Loss.